I kinda lowkey miss working on this website. less depressing notes now i guess lol. also read 17776 bc its like actually fire ?? really really enjoyed it. I've been kinda struggling again in school, which I have to admit is no fault of my own despite how much I would like to say it is. Anyways, been a decent time. Currently, continuing OneShot because I kinda didn't want to play AA anymore (srry aid + finn) I went to sleep in game, which is why I'm here again :0
I've been getting more excited about things recently, it feels really great to feel as if I'm returning to my old personality. I still get fatigued a lot, so I assume this is just because I have so much more time to physically rest, so that's pretty cool.
I've been thinking about how I am bothered by the fact that I have only one way to experience everything. It's this same fustration that causes me to create, to put pencil to paper, letters into a gray screen, spoken words to a freind of mine. If I am only myself, how boring is that. My experiences feel mundane, not in the sense that there are more interesting ones, rather there are so many other ways to experience the same events. Had I been a different person, different circumstances, I would be much different. I think my characters especially are an extrapolation on this idea. This idea of there is so much to experience is what keeps me running as a person. I dislike catagorizing experiences as bad or good, though there are other reasons for this , I am certain of that, and like to experience as much of the awful as much as the good. I'd like to do so much more but I think my experiences are constricted by I will only live as one person, one full identity, one gender despite as much as I hate it. Though my queerness and this idea are a discussion for another day.